How To Trick Everyone Into Thinking You're Not A Racist

Top tips for pretending you voted ‘Leave’ because you’re not a racist! Not a single immigrant in sight! (that’s just how you like it, isn’t it?)

You say: “The Common Agricultural Policy is not fair, and is very expensive to the UK”.

Your opponent says: “Do you like Italian wine and French cheese? If the CAP didn’t exist, you’d be stuck drinking Greek wine and eating American cheese.”

You say: “Laws agreed on in Brussels overrule British law”.

Your opponent says: “I know, isn’t it horrible having to pay for everything in Euros! Oh wait, we got to opt out of that, didn’t we? Well, it’s horrible that foreigners don’t have to show their passports when they come to the UK! What, you mean we opted out of that too? Well, it’s terrible that we can’t pardon people-traffickers! Hang on, you can’t possibly say that we opted out of that too?! Britain supports 88% of decisions coming out of Brussels, including stuff like the working time directive and in reality, we get opt-out agreements for big stuff like Schengen, or the Euro.”

You say: “We could abolish the tampon tax.”

Your opponent says: “Because David Cameron and George Osborne seem committed to reducing VAT on feminine hygiene goods, I wholeheartedly agree that we should leave the EU.”

You say: “We could have saved Port Talbot, and we could save companies in similar situations in future!”

Your opponent says: “Port Talbot was costing Tata Steel a million pounds a day. Why not just send the invoice to the British taxpayer instead?”

You say: “We wouldn’t have to worry about renewable energy any more, and could profit from our oilfields and fracking.”

Your opponent says: “Well, that’s a perfectly valid point, Gideon de Pfeffel”.

You say: “We wouldn’t have to depend on the EU to make trade deals with other countries.”

Your opponent says: “Great! We could organise very favourable rates for shipping goods to North Korea!”

You say: “We could take the money that we currently pay into the EU, and use it to save the NHS!”

Your opponent says: “That’s a great idea, and I will certainly put the rest of the money towards the NHS. Just as soon as renovations are complete on my duck pond”.